It Stays Here

Ephemeral attraction,
Something fierce marred
By the scripted cliché of inexperience,
Vague, effete,
I looked everywhere, everywhere.
I'd been ready for years.

Focused forward. Fool, too.
Throwing combustibles into the hot spot,
Somewhere in the vicinity, a carnival, my heart. Yes.
Somewhere a sad girl went home
With the smallest of prizes,
Dressed it up and called it fancy. It was.
Dim the lights and squint your eyes.

You thought I'd let a stranger break my heart.
What were you thinking? Wind, clear the air here.
I can't breathe and I don't like the way it smells.

The sadness creeps up my inner arms,
Drama settles where my skin is softest and white.
Everywhere else is sun-kissed with history.
Tapping the same vein. Again?
Again. Well. Not everyone flies,
Not every time anyway.

Maybe the truth I've been searching for
Lies in the search itself,
Maybe the balance I seek is found
In the seeking itself,
I wasn't going to let a stranger break my heart,
Not in this noisy place anyway. Fool.

I looked through the darkness
When it was best to see with my heart,
Waiting for a scene to come together.
So I saved your place, there's a shadow here still.
Never the girl to play hard to get. Hardly.
It was easier for me to skip past it,
I'd otherwise hold it dear
And never let go. You don't know.

I couldn't let a stranger break my heart,
No matter how beautiful the scarlet scent
Of potential. No matter.
You've never seen a woman devastated
Turn away from you and not look back.
Fool. I didn't take it with me.

Look at your hands.
I didn't take it with me.