Geography

My hips still go soft when I see your name.
You. I've decided you're bad.
I catch my breath.

Leave me with the sound of my name, trailing,
Incomplete. You exit the scene.
I barely hear you asking me with sugar lips,
Barely, and you're walking away from the answer,
One foot in front. Then the other.

Once, not so long ago, I too
Had thought I could walk away.

Since, I've been standing in the same place
So long the roots of these trees bear witness
To my history. I have nothing more to offer you,
Nothing that isn't dormant. Hope springs eternal,
The unfurling of a leaf or a gentler hand
To undress me tonight and linger
Long enough to find the soft curve of my hips.

I'm squinting in the sunlight.
The disciplinary whip of my hair
Against my face is no delicate lover's touch.
This is not you. This is fall. Sadness.
Never mind the invisible pollen of heartbreak,
It's always had a size of it's own.

I'm letting something go. Even with my eyes closed
This has become too big to hold onto.
Two small hands cupped and, still, it wasn't enough,
My plus one didn't stick around and slipped away.
Scorched salamander.

You.
Am I still saying your name in my sleep?

My body had been your map.
I had been a passenger in your hands.
You had belonged to me.
The night had fallen slowly
Against the low drawl of my name.

Are you certain
You don't want a gentle hand
To undress you tonight?